Gig, clubs and an email from some 'hopefuls' from the dating website. Nothing out of the ordinary, but enough in there for an update of some description. Oh, and by the way, the inverted commas are to represent that these guys spent their dosh for nothing- contacting me on RSVP with their $10 emails when I would only have been interested in them after a jug of Pure Blonde.
So.....back to the events of this weekend.
After the gig, my friend and I wandered over to the pub. There we met a short Scottish guy who locked eyes at me and rather than continue walking, I thought for sure that there was a free drink in this for me. (What...... I was thirsty!!!)
Firstly, short guys. Do I only look a 7 from your view? I seriously wonder. Shorties, you love the Soleil but "she don't love you, no". My friend says it's the boobs that draw you to me. And well, I can understand that the hypnotising nature of my boobs puts you under my spell, but seriously, with shorties it is ALWAYS awkward holding your hands. And when, in a case of gender role reversal I have to put my arm over your shoulder because the other way feels strange and uncomfortable..... You need to FIND SOMEONE ELSE'S BOOBS TO LOOK AT BECAUSE I CANNOT DATE YOU!
Ex-boyfriend lookalike. You had a similar personality, similar musical inclination (a better one than him actually- kudos. That was great), you looked like him with the same eyes, skin colour etc, you had the same 'chivalrous' nature (which sometimes allows you to get trampled I have to say) AND you were Scottish. In fact, you must be his cousin. Your tone of voice was even the same. Anyway, you bought us KFC and played the touchy feely game where you rub your hand down my back.... Only you did it to my friend as well (desperate weirdo) at which point in the night you would have been a goner- only you bought us KFC and I thought I would drop both of you home as a gesture of good will.
But your chivalry was a farce. I watched you SMS over your shoulder to a Jessica and the reply ended in kisses. I dropped you home where you told me that you lived there with a significant other (Jessica) but that you were in the 'end phases' of a relationship. Whatever the fuck THAT means, Poindexter. And then..... you message me to tell me to come back to yours after I have dropped my friend off. I'm sorry, but I'm not as cheap as a bucket of chicken. Readers: Ex-boyfriend lookalikes, as the title suggests are ONLY good for free KFC.
Next we have crown, crown, crown, Crown Casino. How strange you are in the early hours of the morning when wandering around are strange men ogling at me and actually articulating BEFORE thinking (Maybe that part is NOT strange). One particular male had a jaw to the floor after uttering the word 'Cuuuuuuuuute!' at me. But you know what? There isn't enough of that. It was very nice. Thank you, Mr Bizarro. It made me feel like I was an 8.
Now, speaking of 8s......the other thing was that I wanted to comment on (and maybe explain if you are confused by these numbers) is the rating scale that men use to classify women. You know the one where a girl is assessed out of ten. Check out urban dictionary if you don't know of it...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=1%20to%2010%20scale
The binary version is also good, and I can work on that one as well, but the rating system itself, it needed a mention. I am using it to justify my shallow and superficial tendencies ESPECIALLY for those friends of mine who are adamant that I am too picky. My selection criteria (see last year's entries 'My perfect guy')forms my rubric to assess guys out of ten in the three crucial areas: Cute, smart and funny. The existence of such a popular score card is evidence that I am NOT the only person out there who does this. Just one of a few number of self-aware females who recognises that I do it. And as I am around a 6-7 or above in cute, smart and funny, I expect my man to also be of the same standard. If they fall below the yellow line, they face elimination. They may get a chance at a 'cook-off' like ranga boy had (He was a 5 in cute and funny), but generally, for them, 'It's time to go". Because why should I settle for less than I am worth?
Now, I think this checklist is up for review. It has been over twelve months since it's last revision, in which time I have dated and met many douches that espouse the qualities that I just cannot tolerate. Stay tuned.
*End rant*
Next edition will be on the lawyer from Brighton. I have a date with him on Friday night. As for those other guys that are emailing me....... I think I will just have to pretend that you haven't because you are nice people, it's just a height thing. But who knows, if I met you at a pub, and first base was that I let you buy me KFC, then that WOULD be a step I could allow!
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